Maybe Our Mother
Didn't
want Us

Disclaimer: this article is a part of research in a complicated and controversial theme, and not meant to condemn any lifestyle and/or beliefs.

The main themes of my projects are human, physicality and sensuality, self-perception, reflection on the perversion and narrow-mindedness of society, taboo and stigmatization. In this work I try to go further than I had before, because it appeals not only to inner issues, but to global phenomena.

During all the historical periods which we can reach, Parenthood was amongst the most important things that a Human should be aiming for in their life. But nowadays there are more and more people that are questioning, or even declining this possibility. I would like to connect this nowadays massive phenomenon with the state of our planet in general.

But first, let's take a walk.

During the last two centuries the fight for equal rights became more productive and efficient. In the meanwhile, some statements and values, established long ago are slow in changing.
It is not a secret that giving birth is something that is associated with a woman's wishes, happiness and, sometimes, duty. The myth about motherhood didn’t evolve much and still sells to women a pretty picture of a wonderful opportunity, bounded with unconditional satisfaction. But the reality is always more complex, especially one, in which you can not unchoice your choice.

Motherhood is an increasingly idealised institution, now sponsored and sweetened by Social feeds. The demanding, exhausting, self-sacrificing and often thankless work of mothering reveal its features only when a woman is in this situation.

Assuming that and other reasons, some people made their choice not to have children at all. But I’ll tell you about an even more tabooed theme - the regret about having children. To be clear - we’re talking about a big blurry field of parents, mostly women (because, come on, they are still in charge most times of parenthood) that have a wide range of feelings - love, guilt, regret, doubt. Unsurprisingly, people who express regret are called selfish, unnatural, abusive. The truth is that these parents are not neglectful or cruel: it’s parenthood they regret, not the children. Imagine feeling powerful love to your children and simultaneously struggling with thoughts about another life that could have been, opportunities you missed, sacrifices you made.

One of the most famous works about this theme belongs to sociologist Orna Donath, who published a study with anonymous interviews of women who regret having children. Despite a big scandal she helped a lot of women to feel empowered to talk out loud: being a mother is not sugar at all. This phenomenon, just like other that helped women to speak up, has a hashtag - #RegrettingMotherhood, that rose up on Twitter and Instagram in 2017. An important note - that we should not cast ANY shade on someone who feels completely happy being a parent. This is about not ignoring the other side of experience.

Actually, this is not only about human issues.

Putting away religions (because their reasons are primarily constant) we can see how the designation of Mother and Child are changing. The figure of a Parent is essential to human beings. But what does the chain between generations really mean? Every child echoes its mother's mood, can this be true on a planetary scale?

Let’s talk about things that have a direct relationship with childbirth. This period of our life on this planet is called “Anthropocene”, because our impact is so enormous, that it completely changed the face of Earth. She is going through very intensive changes. As long as we can remember, humanity constantly battled Nature and now it is agonising.

There is a subtle world all around and inside us, connections between everything, and the more we know in a scientific or spiritual way, the more questions we have. It is false to believe that mind and body are separate, or that humans are separate from the planet. It has an impact on us, just like we do on it. Take a look at a few last decades. The disappointment in ourselves, the blooming of mental health diseases, new viruses, endless wars. All of the problems that we are aware of - climate change, overpopulation, lack of resources and massive extinction of species. Sometimes they even look like balance attempts.

There are many ways to conquer those issues and many organisations, which can help you to start your way to a sustainable and conscientious life. For example, populationmatters.org has a lot of materials for self education and evaluation. Statistics, interviews, programs and suggestions for a better life. Smaller family. Sustainable living. Reducing the carbon footprint.

But this mostly concerns people, who can afford worrying about the environment. What about really overpopulated, crowded places with poor life abilities, or where young women are forced by society to have a family? Think about those places. About people, who have less possibility to change their lives. Big family is one of the reasons for poverty. But do you know what is the best contraception? Knowledge. Studies (and common sense) reveal that education and empowering of women have a direct connection to natural fall in birth rate.

I had this talk with my grandmother, when I was 20, you can probably relate to. She asked me, when I’ll have a baby, because this is “the main woman’s mission”. I answered, with all my young maximalism, that I really doubt that I’ll have one, simply because there are too many. But she asked me one thing that is not going out of my head: “But can you imagine, who will be responsible for the future in that case? Don’t you think that a woke person like you should have a baby in the first place, because your child most certainly will be conscientious, too?”
Well, what can I say to that?..Now this is a huge struggle.

What is a child from a philosophical, scientific, social point of view?
Whilst children are a promise of immortality, they are getting angry as fast as they see the condition of the world nowadays.

In this constant chase for life we already have immortal or probably immortal beings. For example, Hidra - a small fresh-water organism which does not appear to die of old age, or indeed to age at all. But the disappointing and obvious thing is that it has no brain at all. It is not needed for eternity. Perhaps, consciousness is just a side effect of evolution that serves the improvement of DNA and its immortality. Robert Anton Wilson, American author and agnostic mystic had a theory that intelligence is a self-knowledge tool for the Universe. Is humanity an artificial neural network (ANN) for calculating and modelling? Milliards of small processors, who together are powerful enough to accumulate knowledge and explore so far away from where they are born, in Kosmos. Do you remember how your self-awareness appeared bit by bit when you were a child? Or how it suddenly disappears, when you are daydreaming?

In previous projects I explored different points of view on some heavy themes to eliminate them, showing their beautiful, captivating, underestimated and meaningful features. I imagine each project as a recearch mycelium and the artworks are like a fruit body of it. My principle takes its roots in figurative sculpture, which I assume one of the clearest visual languages. As a handworker, I want to catch my viewer’s interest with form. All deeper layers are available to those, who have interest to explore through installation and other sources.


Exploring the archetype that bonds mother and child I want to utter bitter disillusionment in anthropocentrism and changes that we already heritaged. Yet, we are still children on our mother’s body.